How to raise children so that in the future they are not victims of violence or rapists? Do not do what brings tolerance to violence in children! Not doing what many parents are doing from time to time …
Why is it important to form markers of violence in children? Because when the daughter begins to meet with men, she simply will not realize that she is treated unworthily, because she has been treated like this all her life!
And when the son begins to meet with women, he will not understand that he behaves ugly, because he does not mention respect for personal limits.
Children whose personal boundaries are not respected and whose interests are not taken into account are very likely to have toxic and dysfunctional relationships in a future adult.
We present a general description of parents’ practices that prevent children from developing an understanding of what is allowed and what is not.
Offended child? And why were you beaten? And what did you do, why did the professor swear you?
And why did you take your car? And it was not necessary to talk in class!
How is this dangerous? The fact that the child is taught to see in himself the cause of the unworthy.
behavior of other people. In the future, this may lead to the fact that the woman who is beating her husband will sincerely believe that it was she who provoked him, and this husband will know what a blow it can be.
The responsibility for violence always falls on the abuser. Unworthy behavior is no excuse.
Is the child in the section where it was recorded bad? Do you like gymnastics, but do not like girls? Do you like the fight, but the kids are making fun?
Think about it! You also like gymnastics!
Grandma laughs at you, but she loves you!
What is the danger? The fact that in the future, in a relationship with a partner, a child will ignore an unworthy attitude.
But do not drink! But do not hit!
But he loves him, but he plays with the children and they change the diapers, but he brings money, etc.
The child says you offend him, and in response you say he is your favorite child, you can not offend him. What he thought.
What is the danger? The fact that a child learns not to take into account their feelings, but to be guided by the feelings of others.
What are you, are you my beloved wife, how could I change you, how could I deceive you? – Do you want this for your daughter in the future?
And also that by denying the feelings of the child, you teach him not to trust yourself. And then, when the eldest daughter finds herself in a difficult situation in her own family, she will be told: How you have not noticed!
The danger is also that the child does not learn to respect the feelings of loved ones, it will make them suffer.
Option: This is your grandfather! The child asks him to let it go, not to open it, not to kiss him, but hey: I am your father, I love you, I want to kiss you!
Or you come to visit him and force the child to kiss the grandmother and the grandfather against his wishes.
What is the danger of coercion? You want your daughter to surrender at the age of 14, when a too big hlyust begins to inspire her: Well, I love you? And she will give up, because that’s exactly how her father behaved with her.
Do you want to arrest your son for rape at the age of 20, because he got used to it, that there is nothing in response to trying to kiss does not mean anything and did not stop?
The right of the child to physical integrity is sacred. Letting go means letting go.
It does not mean no. Teach to say no.
Teach stop in response to no.
What is the danger? In the justification of violence. The fact that a child with a clean eye will say: And I did not mean to offend! – and continue to offend.
The fact that if you did not want to offend, then you offended, so to speak, indecently.
What is the danger? In the normalization of violence perpetrated by men against women.
The danger is obvious: you can win, the assault is the best argument. We must obey the one who hits.
To achieve your goal, you have to win.
Mom, why does Vanya bother me all the time?
Please, catch your tongue and do not say this horrible thing because it likes you. Do you think this is true?
Does he harass her because he likes her? Maybe because he wants to play with her?
The child does not offend the girl because she likes it! And not because I want to play with it!
But since he does not know how to say directly that he wants to play with her, he does not know how to express his compassion in a normal way.
What is the danger? The fact that girls get accustomed to what they hit means that they love, and children get used to expressing sympathy through humiliation, but not through care, respect and good words. That is, you can bother and offend, and if
Like you, you do not need to pay attention to the fact that you yourself are bad.
Does it happen that you comment on a child’s conversations with other people? Does it happen that you give advice to a child, to whom and what to say when he did not ask you?
If so, stop. After all, you can also your son’s partner in adult life. Your son or daughter will simply not understand what this behavior is
It is unacceptable And many times it is from the control that the communication of the wife / husband begins.
Psychological violence in families.
If he regularly makes critical comments about the child’s appearance and clothing, he will get used to the fact that it is common to discuss the appearance of other people.
And in the future, her daughter will not understand that her chosen one behaves terribly with her, criticizing her figure …
A drunkard caresses you with a child in the tram? Has anyone rude you in the store?
Does a teacher or an older relative teach you how to raise your child (with him)?
You are afraid of being rude And smile silently.
And the child after you is taught to smile in response to the violation of his person.
Limits, learn not to even try to defend them.
Author: Natalia Kalashnikova, journalist and mother.