Sometimes, annoyed by the child’s bad behavior, the parents in their hearts utter words that they later begin to regret. If an adult easily loses what is said beyond their ears, or simply does not pay attention, then the child remembers the offensive phrases for a long time.
“I do not like you that way,” says the mother, and the crumb thinks that the most expensive person in the world rejects it. Hysteria or stress is the most likely reaction to such expressions.
We have prepared a list of unwanted words that can not be said to children.
Parents are the most important people in the life of any child, which is why every offensive phrase they uttered by chance, in an attack of anger, the child perceives extremely painful. Therefore, we decided to remind the parents and the mother of those words that, in any case, they should not tell their children, even if they behave imperfectly.
What words is best not to say to children?
Only at first glance, these well-known and widely used phrases seem harmless. However, few parents think about the amount of fears and offenses that these words carry to young children.
“I do not love you”
It was not for nothing that we carry this phrase to the first paragraph of the article, since it is difficult to find more terrible words for the child. The child, having heard them from his own beloved person in the world, perceives this expression specifically: “Mama does not need me anymore, she does not love me, I am very bad”.
Even if you get to your senses on time and say you were only joking, the phrase will remain forever in the children’s memory, and from time to time it will appear.
Emphasize that you love your little restless person, even if he does not behave well enough.
“Nobody needs you.”
Sometimes, adults, guided by the best intentions and trying to save a child from any fear (darkness, monster), in response to a child’s complaint, declare hastily: “Nobody is hiding in a room. Nobody needs you! “By hearing this from you, the baby begins to think that it is not worthy of your care, love and attention.
From here it is not far from the reduction of self-esteem, isolation and complexes.
If you want to help your son, who is afraid of imaginary monsters, tell me better than ever you will give Baba Yaga, a ghost, because he is very dear to you.
“I’ll give you …”
Often, parents who can not cope with a mischievous baby choose the slippery path of threats: “You will jump through puddles, you will get water for yourself”, “You will not eat porridge, Baba-Yaga will come and eat you”, etc.
The list of terrifying characters can be listed endlessly: uncle-police, evil doctor with a shot, Babayka. The anxious and suspicious children react sharply to such blackmail, experiencing constant fear.
Such emotional overload eventually leads to a nervous breakdown and phobias: the child fears being alone, asks to turn on the light at night. Try to gain parental authority in more constructive ways.
“You’re so bad!”
The last argument of the parents is the phrase “magic”: “You are bad”, which all psychologists condemn categorically.
At an early age, the child is valued with the words of adults and does not doubt the sincerity of their statements. Tell your fumes that he is bad, badly educated, greedy, angry?
Do not be surprised that very soon he, having entered the role, begins to behave accordingly.
If you want to show the crumbs the unacceptable misbehavior, use the less traumatic options: “Have very dirty things in the room, keep the toys”, “Share your little treat with your sister and she will share an apple with you”.
“Let me do everything myself”
Did you miss a quarter of an hour without messing with the shoelaces or trying to close the zipper? Of course, you will get much better and, most importantly, faster. “Let me improve, I do not understand (does not understand, does not know, does not know, is still too small),” experts believe that those words program a child for failure, inculcate uncertainty, make him inactive.
Why do something if you keep failing?
If your child declares: “Myself”, rejoice, it means that the child aspires to independence. Therefore, try to be patient, support the child and be sure to praise the successful implementation.
“Take it, just take it easy and do not cry anymore”
Of course, not all parents will be able to endure many hours of children’s requests, bitter tears and huge sad eyes. “Well, please, buy a doll, and I promise to be good all week,” is a phrase, after which many adults surrender and fall imperceptibly into a cunning trap.
The child understands that with tears and persuasion he can achieve everything he wants, and that the refusal of the parents should not be taken seriously.
No one argues that the baby should hold his fists, but the constant indulgence of whims can lead to the appearance in the family of a small manipulator. Maybe it’s better to try to distract him or wait a bit until he calms down.
“Do not do this, and then …”
Sometimes parents, trying to protect the life of a child, silently bend the stick, practically isolating it from the outside world. The baby often hears of such mothers (often with this “sin” of the grandmother): “Do not touch anything else, you will break it”, “Do not touch the cat – it will scratch”, “Do not run through puddles – get sick “,” Do not go to the hill – you will fall “.
It is curious that children remember only the second part of these phrases: “you fall”, “you scratch”, “you get sick”. As a result, the joy before the baby becomes shy and insecure, believing that the dangers literally lurk at every step.
“You can not believe anyone”
In wanting to warn a child about the possible difficulties that await him in the process of doing this or that work, some parents say: “Do everything by yourself, nobody will help you!”, “You should only expect your strength”, ” Do not trust anyone, good people very little. “And without that unknown world around you it becomes even more terrifying and dangerous for children.
There is a risk that the child grows closed, distrustful and aggressive. Do not forget that it is important to have a positive view of the world in a child, of course, teaching him the basics of safe behavior.
“Why do not you like it …”
A popular phrase in the vocabulary of parents is the criticism of a child in the form of comparison with a brother or a partner.
“Why are not you as obedient as your older brother?”, “Look, what a beautiful picture Oksana drew. What do you have? “,” All the children in the group already know how to dress, and only you wait for them to fasten your jacket “, such comparisons (especially with sisters and brothers) only generate envy, jealousies and unhealthy rivalries.
It sounds trite, but children are very important and it is necessary that mom and dad perceive them by all: good and bad, capable and not very good, in general, with all the advantages and disadvantages. Yes, and compare the crumbs better with themselves.
“Why are not you the best?”
Extremely high parental requirements hurt children: “Why did you take only second place?”, “I’m disappointed that you have four in math.” Those words can not be said, because the child understands that he will not be able to satisfy the demands of mom and dad, because for this he will have to jump over his head.
Therefore, express your approval: “Second place? Very good
Next time we will prepare even better “,” I am proud of you, the most important thing is participation “.
The most effective way to understand what is impossible and what can be said to a child is to present himself in his place.
Do you want to be constantly pointed out shortcomings, threatened? Most likely not.
Therefore, before you say something to your child, think for a second: will not your words hurt the children’s self-esteem?