Maybe not find a father who does not want his baby to become obedient. Judge for yourself how convenient it is: an adult said: the child did it. By prohibiting something, and you can be calm, the children will sit quietly, they will not be noticed and they will not interfere with the parents.
But with naughty children some worries and efforts!
However, is it good if an obedient child grows up in a family? And is there negative obedience?
Psychologists believe that obedience is in fact positive and negative.
The first option is the ability of children to hear another point of view, the requests of other people, their wishes and criticisms. And the child does not have to agree with the opinion of adults, the main thing is to reach a compromise solution.
We will try to tell today about such variants of the behavior of children.
What dangers await an obedient child?
So, obedient children are not always good. Psychologists say that despite the fact that it is nice to communicate with “comfortable” children, absolute obedience carries certain dangers.
Of course, an obedient child is easier to handle. But it turns out that a lot of prohibitions can lead to childish indifference.
Of course, parents are absolutely right when they forbid a child to put their fingers in an outlet or pull a cat by the tail.
However, if restrictions are transferred to other aspects of life, children are likely to lose their curiosity and interest in the world around them.
Modern parents are anxious for the early development of the intellectual sphere, teaching the child almost from childhood to foreign languages and other “surprising” things.
2. Suppression of emotions.
Increasingly, anxious parents turn to psychologists who complain about their first obedient children: “I used to be such a good kid. I do not know what could happen to him.
And there was an accumulation of negative emotions that could not be expressed openly.
Especially often this happens in families where it is not customary to raise their voices, express their opinions aloud and, especially, put feet on them and shout. Meanwhile, the child must face his experiences.
Some carry the anger that is being tested on inanimate objects (hit a pillow or tear a newspaper), while others “end” with the aggressor (names of fight or call).
Of course, it is desirable to train the child in a constructive way to resolve conflicts, but it is important that negative emotions are expressed. The “right” baby is forbidden to get angry, because mom said it was very ugly to behave.
The result is an emotional outburst in the form of protests, especially during periods of crisis of children, or so-called psychosomatic.
3. Loss of one’s “I”.
Over time, excessive obedience can become passivity and inability to settle in life. Often the child does not realize their wishes and dreams, and the hopes of the parents.
Mom and Dad want to see the five in the diary: the children study diligently. The grandmother demands that the grandchildren do not make noise, they sit in silence.
What follows Admission to the institution of higher education, which was chosen by the parents, even in my heart I want something completely different …
Where do they come from, if the “wise” adults have decided for a long time for the child?
To what can excessive obedience lead?
Maybe some readers will say we exaggerate, but remember the frequency with which you had to hear the expression “ladybug”. These are very old children often grow up as “comfortable” children.
What threatens the education of the “right” child?
- Obedient children try to please not only their beloved mother, educators and teachers, but also all those who are much stronger or older than them. This is where bad companies come from, where adults teach “good” children how to smoke or drink alcohol.
- “Comfortable” children grow up and become the same “comfortable” spouses who seek to fulfill any requirement of a husband or wife, often ignoring their needs. They will be happy? The question remains open.
- Some rebels grow up precisely from obedient children in childhood. Some adolescents, who have entered a difficult period of maturation crisis, dismiss the custody of their parents and begin to rebel against the previous rules. There are frequent cases of leaving home or even breaking relationships with close relatives.
What if the family grows too obedient a son?
Once again, we have nothing against positive obedience. However, if you are concerned that the baby is afraid of making a mistake, does not want to bother you with a thoughtless act, you must act.
- Often, the origins of excessive “positivity” lie in the fear of losing the love of parents. In this case, it is very important to show the baby that he accepts it fully in any situation. That is, try to evaluate their behavior, instead of labeling it.
- Let the children actively explore the new and interesting world: let them run and jump, fill in the first blows, put their noses where they want. Of course, prohibitions are needed, but they should not be too much.
- Explain to your child that each person (including adults and himself) has the right to have negative emotions. At the same time, teach him a constructive expression of anger and anger (let him, for example, kick a ball). By the way, parents may also feel offended and upset, but one should dispense with insults and humiliation.
- Try to give more freedom to the crumbs. Offer to think for yourself to solve a particular problem, but do not leave it alone with difficulties. You can come to the rescue if the child makes several attempts first. Ideally, the child understands that parents will not do everything for him.
- An unnecessarily obedient and simply “comfortable” baby is often raised by the same “comfortable” father. Therefore, before increasing independence in a child, try to ask yourself: “Can I sacrifice my interests for the sake of good relationships with another person?” If this happens regularly, maybe you should also be disobedient and uncomfortable at times.
Son obedient and free of problems: this is the true happiness of the mother. Such a child does not give adults any special difficulties and, most importantly, it is very convenient.
It is much more difficult when a child has his own aspirations and dreams, he gives his own point of view to everything, which is different from his. Maybe it’s from these children that interesting and happy people grow up?