We all remember teasers about sneaky-koryabeda, so we sometimes react harshly to a child’s complaint, interrupting it briefly.
However, due to this haste, we do not believe that children just want to share their concerns, ask parents or the educator to punish the aggressor, resolve the conflict situation, explain the reason for another person’s behavior.
There is a possibility that, after receiving the offensive nickname “sneak”, children will completely refuse to talk about their experiences. Let’s see why children slip away and how to define a thin line between the desire for justice and the usual “denunciation”.
The parents of the house and the teachers in the kindergarten are forced to listen almost every minute to the interminable claims of the children to each other.
In fact, this is a completely natural characteristic of a preschooler, of course, until it has become a habit.
When are the shoes to not blame?
It should not be judged hastily if you begin to notice that your own child “communicates” regularly with other children and even adults. In some cases, such behavior is completely justified, because sometimes children’s complaints are not hiccups, but:
- I want to inform adults about what is happening. Children up to 4-5 years of age can not independently evaluate other people’s actions, therefore they observe the parents’ reaction. And for this, the children need to be told that “Dima picked flowers in a flower bed. Is it possible to do that?
- impotence and inability to defend themselves, for example, when another child in a sandbox took a sovochek from a crumb, and is shy or afraid to demand the return of his toy. In such a situation, children do not slip away, but ask for help, simultaneously pointing out an inappropriate act.
- the search for justice, which is especially characteristic of babies who strictly follow the rules of behavior and want others to do the same. Such a preschooler will necessarily complain about his bandmates, but before that he will try to explain to them that they are wrong.
Why do children run away?
In the first place, because sharing with an adult the problem that has arisen is the simplest, logical and effective solution in case the child wants to take revenge on the delinquents or achieve justice.
In addition, some parents encourage the little ones: “Always tell me if someone offends you!”
Of course, this type of desire of parents can be understood, since any mother wants the child to trust her and tell her about her problems.
However, sometimes children run away to hurt another person. What are the reasons for such unworthy behavior?
- Probably, the child thinks that he will gain the love and respect of the adults if he “cooperates” with them, counting the bad actions of other children. The same goes for preschoolers who are not sure of themselves and who can not obtain the authority of their peers.
- Sometimes a child meanders and informs siblings or friends for the desire to avenge or stab. Some children even manage to blackmail their friends so that they can make theirs and, through false accusations, learn to manipulate their parents.
- The number of complaints of children is increasing considerably in those families where mom and dad spend more time with one child than with another. The envy and jealousy of the favorites lead to the fact that the child tries to discredit him in the eyes of the parents.
- Children with low self-esteem think that parents and educators consider them worse than others. Through jokes, such a baby wants to show adults that he is much better than the others, because he helps them put things in order, while other children simply play and behave incorrectly.
How to react to the baby secretly?
In the first place, you can not blame the crumb for the complaint: “Why do you tell me all this? Do not fall asleep, deal with your friends”.
That is why in no case should we reject it, otherwise, it will stop sharing something with adults completely.
Now you have to decide, what help do you need, little furtive? Is it necessary to get to the scene of a “crime” and severely punish all criminals?
Such a decision is a last resort.
This should be done only in the most extreme cases, for example, if it occurs:
- A situation of conflict with an aggressive, cruel child. If a quiet and benevolent baby grows in his family, it is unlikely that he will manage alone. Adults must intervene to put an end to ongoing conflicts.
- Collective persecution, which leads to the isolation of the child. The little man can not face the problem on his own, so the help of parents, teachers and, possibly, psychologists in this case is mandatory.
How to wean a child to suck?
The seduction is plagued with serious consequences: the companions are quite ruthless with the brothers, they do not want to have anything in common with those who reveal their secrets. In the course there are tricks, boycotts, offensive nicknames: snitch, spy, swindler.
What to do if a brother grows up in a family?
- Discuss the difference between dangerous offenses and minor incidents. Adults should always be informed about situations related to their own safety and the safety of other babies. For example, children should tell the teacher if someone from the classmates is going to climb the fence of the kindergarten. But misdemeanors should not be reported.
- The best way to teach the child the desired behavior is a role play. He loses some different situations with him: a friend hit a stray dog, the boys in the yard left without the demand for a river, the younger sister broke a cup, etc. In games, children are more likely to understand when they need to complain to adults and when to do so themselves.
- Find out what is behind the children’s complaint. Probably, the child is anxious to take revenge, and perhaps only wants to restore justice. Be sure to clarify the reason for the sabotage before taking action. If the child is constantly offended or jealous of his peers, teach him healthy ways to express negative emotions.
- Try to teach your child to independently solve emerging conflicts. This will be a worthy alternative to aspiration. However, it is not necessary to instill in the child the idea that the best response for the abuser is the use of force, let him learn to get out of the conflict with the help of words.
- If children attract attention to themselves through complaints, it increases the time you spend with them. Just play together, build a cube tower, walk after school in the garden, ride a bicycle. In this way, it will reduce the possibility of attracting attention in that way, such as constant complaints.
- It is already possible to tell an older preschooler or schoolchild why they do not like a sneak (for example, offensive nicknames) and that sometimes excessive openness hurts friendly relationships. Ask your child how he feels if a friend tells him his secrets or his misconduct. Are you expecting your disappointment, anger, shame? Will he be friends with such a man?
For example, a child does not know how to make friends, win the love and authority of his peers, work as a team. Sometimes, parents themselves raise an uncompromising fighter for justice who can not forgive other people for various mistakes and weaknesses.
In any case, you need to help your baby: there is always the possibility that a calculating manipulator and a clever swindler will come out of a small and curious surprise.